You are a very pretty tape dispenser.
I like how sticky you are all the time.
Whenever I need you, you’re always there,
on my desk, waiting to help me tape things.
And when you’re down, I put another roll of tape in you.
You like me to put things in you. We’re like glue, baby, yeah.
Remember that time I got tied up in you and couldn’t get free?
The school kids all laughed at me because I was powerless
against them, and they had pulled my pants down to the world.
But really I wasn’t “powerless” to them, I was powerlessly
in love with you, even still when they started pelting me with
sticks and stones below the belt. Our love is endless, darling.
Even when they ripped out every hair on my body with your sexy love tape,
while I hung there stripped naked, and at the climax of puberty,
I couldn’t stop thinking of you and how cute you are
when you’re angry, or when you have just come in from the rain.
Tape dispenser, I love you and long to be forever with you always.
Your adhesive juices are like honey to my lips.
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Tem Jhoenz is a bona fide librarian, blogs eponymously here/there, and collects smiles. Tem is an alum of Second City's Writing Program and has studied improvisation at The Annoyance in Chicago. You would like Tem if you met him. He's good people.
I am often disturbed by the way Staples and Office Max treat tape dispensers as if they were cheap whores.
I am appalled at your description of tape. It is meant to be an adhesive. And just an adhesive. It’s Adam and Eve, not Tim and Tape.
Drea, I must confess. I had a lot of Scotch in me when I wrote this.
Nate, if you want tape dispensers that are treated real high class, Brodart is the way to go. Discreet, too.