Aug 252010
“Trees, trees, trees,”
Thought the lumberjack.
There were trees all around.
More than he could shake a saw at.
Then, it happened.
He got married.
No more cutting big trees like a big, lumberjack man.
Nope, now he’s got to hold his wife’s purse, again,
while she tries on yet another smock.
“Well, if you like trees so much,” the lumberjack’s wife asked,
“why don’t you marry them?”
So, he did.
He got the papers (which were made from trees)
and he got her John Hancock
and he was divorced and then he married the trees.
A week later, he was hauled off to jail for sawing
his wife in half.
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Tem Jhoenz is a bona fide librarian, blogs eponymously here/there, and collects smiles. Tem is an alum of Second City's Writing Program and has studied improvisation at The Annoyance in Chicago. You would like Tem if you met him. He's good people.
As relevant now as it was in its first version. This is probably the part of our wedding that Shelley and I cherish most, and its moral has kept our marriage solid as an oak lo these many years.
Here’s to you, Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd! It ’tis my never-wavering belief that this poem should be recited at every wedding reception across this fantastic and wonderful world, from Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts, to Hiroshima, Japan. Here’s to the Shepherds and all married couples everywhere, across all space and time! Cheers!
I guess only magicians are allowed to saw their wives in half.
Yes, that’s the main thing that magician wives are good for. That way, the magicians find out what does and does not work on their wives, before they try the trick out on their lovely assistants.